I’m on the phone with my ex-girlfriend. We are still friends, she’s a lovely, amazing woman and I’m grateful we are still friends.
She really made me think. She asked me “What have you learned about love since we broke up?”.
I didn’t have an answer. I was stuck. And it frustrated me. Have I really not learned anything? No way, I know I’ve learned, but why can’t I come up with anything?
So I sat back to think about it. I did this for myself. I needed to remind myself of what I’ve learned.
**Disclaimer – This is a man’s point of view of love.
Real love is hard to find
Many of us have been there. We catch the girls eye in Starbucks, and we inevitable think “if only I was single.”
Men can tend to always think there’s something better when they are in a relationship. That the 50 beautiful women at the mall could all make great girlfriends.
The truth is, odds are they can’t. Odds are you probably can’t stand them.
It’s the grass is not always greener.
I’ve only really felt love a couple of times in relationships. And I’ve felt a whole lot of nothing in the 10’s of 100’s of other dates and girlfriends.
Dating enough women where you don’t have that feeling, that feeling deep inside where you know something is there, get’s exhausting. And it makes you sit back and really realize how special that women is who does make you feel that thing deep inside.
So when you have that feeling, trust it, cherish it, because it’s not as frequent as you might think.
Enjoy the little moments with her
Getting coffee. Going to lunch. Reading on the couch. Waking up next to her.
Enjoy that time. Enjoy the moments. Appreciate how special it is that this other human being is willing to give up her time to be with you.
How many people do you meet where once is enough. Or you know you can only be with them a few hours at a time.
Think of how special it is that there is someone out there that you actually enjoy all the time together, and more importantly, they actually enjoy that time with you.
It’s so easy to let the days go by without thinking how much you enjoy that time. So next time you’re in the car, sit back, look over, smile at her, at thanking her for being with you, right at this very moment.
You don’t need to love everything about her
I used to get so wrapped up in the little things that bothered me in relationships. Maybe it was complaining too much about work, not giving me space, makes me watch reality TV.
And this stuff would bother me. Would make me just annoyed and could and would ruin time we were spending together.
And over time, I’ve realized you don’t need to love everything about her, just the things that matter most to you.
For me, I love a girl that’s smart, ambitious, overly sweet to everyone and loves to travel.
I realize now that as long as she has that, I can watch the re-launch of Jersey Shore with you because most of who you are, I love.
Figure out what’s important to you, and make sure she has that, but don’t sweat everything.
Love is fickle, and it’s rare, and when you know you have it, don’t let it go. Trust your gut. Enjoy who she is as a person and love the shit out of her.